i dreamt this night that i lost one by one- all my upper teeth...
i was desperate, and searching for a dentist, who would tell me, what was the matter with me...meanwhile spittig out almost all my teeth, broken pieces, deformed inlays...then i woke up.
no salvation. as always in this sort of dreams.
i search for something, and can't find it- or escape from something....
really exhausting.

it's said that dreaming of losing one's teeth means death.

....my
BIRTHDAY!!!!

i'm 25.
what a great number!

rain is pissing from heaven all day long,
for the first time on MY BRITHDAY!
but it's o.k.
i had a good fortune cake that
said my finances will become better.
i believe that.
and julia made a birthday cake for me-
HOW NICE- i hadn't a REAL birthday cake with candles
for years.....
and i will have everyone eat my great creation- on my ACTION PAINTING party: maracuja-peaches- icecream with prosecco...

everything is blooming,
the sun is shining,
and everything is good.

never saw an electronic music concert like this before-
two artists headbeanging while they're pushing buttons and
turning on the regulators, creating music with their computers for a huge mass of people.
the music was sooo cool, and i was euphoric, dancing like on drugs, the feeling of being within a mass who is sharing the same fun - this joy within the collective, gave me shivers, gave me creeps...

I intended to stay ten days in Swiss. I intended to have fun and a lot of sex....
I left Swiss after three days.
I thought being with fab in lausanne would be like in vienna. I thought it would be a similar, if even better experience. I thought he knew i came just for fun, i don’t wanted a relationship.
My expectations were:
1.) good sex
2.) nice city
3.) relaxation
4.) drinking with alex

Nothing fulfilled.
2.) The city was boring (exept from the really astonishing beautiful view of Geneve lake).
4.) Alex, my friend from Japan and Fabs elder brother was not the same. He got a businessman, he talked just about his work- he was hanging out just with his girlfriend Naike- he got boring.
3.) relaxation- i could have better at home...
1.) well i had sex. but it was completely different. i realized from the beginning that fab actually didn’t wanted to. And i had to turn him on- sometimes it made me feel like i'm raping him.
I was enthusiastic about sucking his cock.
He has such a big, thick beautiful dick-
I really thought i will become his dick-worshipper! ^.^
a shame he didn’t knew how to use it-
having one, two minutes fucks isn’t really satisfying...
and he never thought to satisfy me, he never thought after having an orgasm, to give me one...

and then he said- he cannot have sex without feelings, without loving somebody....
i think he really didn’t knew what he wanted.
I was disappointed and frustrated and decided spontanically to go back to vienna- and let my booked busticket expire..it was the best decision i could make. The train ride back was beautiful- passing by the alpes and the landscapes was like in a movie...i’d been watching for 12 hours.

Afterwards- i thought it wasn’t so bad being in Swiss after all, even for his three disappointing days. Finally i like Fab...Though I think I couldn’t love him...It was nice to talk and fuck with him. Next time i shouldn’t hide my real intentions: and make clear that i wan’t sex-tourism!

i wanted to revive our art-club again- it didn't take place for nearly 3 months- since the core members disappeared from my life (i broke up with franz, and kathi died)...
so i send sms to the former rest of the members...
nobody came.
and the day after- i thought:

I MAKE ART-CLUB BY MYSELF!

now the documentation.
for the artclub the most important thing to have,is a bottle of wine- then everything works- the painting, the posing, and the frustration disappears....and you can create a wonderful PIECE OF ART like this:



oh, forgot to say- you can see it under the bottle.
i drunk the wine all by myself,
this was part of the action-painting,
you know- the whole process is art,
and at the end i painted my face,
and made some cool pics,
before i lied down to bed....
and wake up with a hiccup

hicks, hicks

this reminds me of alice...
and
i
love
alice

y
u know............

WER WILL MICH?

perhaps SUISSE will be like this...

perhaps...

mmhhh
IT'S A FAKE!

i'm going to suisse. to fab, my dear.
he knew one week before that i'm coming.
and he said, cool, good timing, i'll have free time.
now he looked it up and said he wont have time.
idiot.

so, i'm frustrated and having a
fake plastic suisse chocolate
mmhhh

and my bike is castrated
;.;

somebody stole the saddle from my bike!
and in my own house- i left it as usal over the night in the corridor.......and today i saw my poor, disgraced bike.

must be someone from the house- how nice...

i've put a poster on the wall:
give me my saddle back! top 4

I HATE THIEFS! >.<