"THE ELEMENTARY PARTICLES"
a book that moved me so deeply, like no other has done for a long time ...
its a great piece of art, the very mixture of genres he covers is impressing, and with such easiness:
the book is
scientific, philosophical, a socio-historical description of the epoche we are living in, the 20th century- and the typical phenomena-of sexual revolution, individualism, its problematic...its literal, sci-fi, prosa, it has a lot of sex,...
words cannot describe the amount of content this book has...
it is GENIUS
and it hurts reading it
because it fits the core and essence
of our own unstable life(style)
and houellebeqc vision
and utopy is radical:
give up mankind-with all its values
for a new immortal clon-species
IT S TERRIFIC! THIS BOOK ROCKS!!!
I Strongly Recommend IT!
and again i'm asking myself- for what am i reading all this crappy academic literature, that has no meaning at all,
when i learn further more for life from such an itelligent piece of a fiction-bestseller
deeer pet,
as i promised, i have time in april....
but i have no money for holiday---------
:(
u can come to viennna. u know, coffe is very tasty,and uman too.
ok.
u wanmna have fun?
com to vienna,
buye
kaka
send this to my pet, (how) will he react?
Meist ist man so auf mögliche Geschlechtspartner
konzentriert, dass man das Nebenher, den Restirrsinn nicht sieht. Wie würde man erschrecken.
franzobel, scala santa
⎝(⌒o⌒)⎠ (^ ─ ^ )
i got it!!! i got it!!! i got it!!!
The PRACTICE!!!! YEAAAHHH!!
i'm so happy. the subject of my work will be:
和漢三才図絵
wakan sansai zue
it's an illustrated encyclopedia from 1712...
i'm looking forward to see it!!!
i finally handed in my BAK-work, after procrastinating the deadline twice....but as for the content i'm content ^.^
now just the interview...and i'm free for some time...
well actually not....new uni work is awaiting me
...AND: perhaps a practice in the museum i wanna work-
MY DREAM of working THERE perhaps comes true!!!!
(^_______^)/
for the last days i just thought of HIM. of his lips, of his eyes, of having his dick in me, in my mouth, filling me....
am i in love?
i don't know- i think of fucking him all and all over again...
evi said something interesting:
she said, she believes that what i'm really looking for is not an one-night-stand. she said, that actually it is degrading for each side...
another friend said- she never got an orgasm when she had an one-night-stand, because most of the men, were simply egoistic pigs, satisfying only their lust, and not even thinking to fist or lick the still horny women beside them after they came....
evi said- what i look for is an affair- just having fun without being bound....
SCORE REPORT OF THE JAPANESE-LANGUAGE PROFICIENCY TEST
Level 1
Writing-Vocanbulary:
51 / 100
Listening:
50 / 100
Reading-Grammar:
93 / 200
Total:
194 / 400
(one has to score at least 260- 70%)
so this means that i can't rest on my laurels yet...
and will have another try in december...
Every day at the uni now. In the lib. I’ve never learned there before- and it’s really cool.
No noise, no full cramped cloudy coffeshops...where you have at least to order one consumption- that means 2,50 euro.
The lib is biiiig. And with daylight. You can study there from 9am till 10pm. And free hot spot access. Coffee from the vending machine for 50 cent- not bad.
Inside hundreds of studying people sitting beside you- and THAT automatically motivates you.
Yesterday I broke my record- 170 pages read- and 130 in english (academical english!)... the rest in german...
And when you make a break- you can watch all the motivated, beautiful young and ripe men and women....I saw many many cuties....
NO,NO,NO – i’m not getting horny...
Use your sexual energy into making a good work!
I’will be brave. I will fight! I will SuCCED!
......hopefully
I reward you with a kiss, because you recognized Don Juan.
But the punishment would have been the same....
Cause I already knew- I’ve chosen you, Fabien.
In the bed your pounding heart- and mine responding.
Your lips, Your toung, Your hand, Your Breath, Your look....
I will always keep in my mind.
For you I wore
mini-jupe raz la touf.
One night, the trip.
„Shiver“ in the backgound.
Shivering lust in us.
You never claimed anything.
You never said- I will miss you.
You never said– we'll do it this way.
You let us be free, for a certain span of time.
No expectations to be fullfilled,
everything comes and goes...
Thank you for this memory you gave me,
and that you didn’t make us unfree....
Now, what I learned about the last refusals, dissappreciations, wounds from men is to hadle with the frustration they cause me. I was sitting yesterday- and thinking about my fucked up life- who am I, and why just nobody sees that I’m giving and giving and giving....And noone appreciates that.
Im tired of imbalance....now i recognized...its not about revanche...when i give something, i do not expect somebody to revanche...well, perhaps sometimes.....that was my fault....expectations disappointed.....
the feeling of being abused, if you give too much...
and the feeling of guilt if you dont give enough....
.....makes me sick! Made me sick all over the years.
I guess it was rather the feeling, that i give nothing, im not able to love....
Now it’s the other way round.
But i realized now, what i want :
When i give something – i expect some kind of reaction, appreciation....not an equally revanche act...this is infantile.
And I don’t get this now...and it causes this frustration....
Well, well, my conclusion is: I give too much- this is also an IMBALANCE. I shouldnt depend on happiness getting from outside. Fact is, NOBODY really can make me happy.
It’s me, only myself who can make me happy.
(does this mean handwork all the time >.<
....hey, why is sex so important to you?????)
Is there noone like me, who just want to have fun- without all the burdens of obligations, expectations, dependence and this crap? Well, i guess ist just too good to be true...
Love hurts right?
Do i want feel deeply for somebody, and get hurted, and hurt him, make us unfree - or do i want hedonistic living, fucking happily, and just swim on the surface?
I don’t know...........
For now, I don’t wanna bound. I dont wanna engage emotionally. When I engage emotiopnally- that means when I sleep with someone more then one time.....This just means troubles.....I fell in love- well this is nice still, but then I have expectations, and then they get disappointed, and then I’m frustrated....
The last frustrations were:
Nr.1.:
P : I send him mails, sms, sexy pics etc....
Not to mention that he doesnt react to my questions- what is really frustrating with time....and I dont like to repeat myself.....i feel ignored.
Then i ask him one thing to do- to send me a pic of his dick, and he answers with a counter claim....to first send me a pic which inspirates him to do that....now, this wouldn’t be the problem. The problem is, that he claims and i give and give and give- and he doesnt realize, doesnt appreciate it. Perhaps it’s a matter of course for him right now, that i send him so many pics...he hardly does- and he’s the one who says: A picture is worth a thousand words and I input text with my thumbs...
He didn’t even realized i was that angry, although it was unmistakably clear, and i let him feel my anger....he just ridiculed it, didnt take it serious......
Last sms-(...) good night, sexy baby, think about fucking me
SURE ! >.<
*arghhh*
And now he expects me also to give and give and give...
Last mail-(...) Perhaps you are
writing me a letter on paper now. perhaps I will get it.
SURE ! >.<
I don’t know, are men really that stupid??? The older, the worse....?
And P, Im NOT PERVERTED!!!
I can suck your dick, let you cum on my face, let you say dirty words to me, let you fuck my ass- but IM NOT A PERVERT! This is natural. Love is natural, not perverted- perhaps this is just your prude, AMERICAN, narrow-minded kind of view it....hm? got it? Did that hurt?
Nr.2.:
Greatest Lover....beyond.....
I give- i propose him unmistakably clear- invite him to fuck me-
and he answers with a counterclaim: Just when it’s a menage a trois.
And what means menage a trois to men mostly?
No, i don’t have a problem with this....i had already deux.....
I have a problem with counterclaims.....
Fuck you, you’re not worth to be with me!!!
Nr.3.:
M – were sitting in a bar, Im saying unmistakable clear- I WANT TO FUCK.
He says- there are no women who say and mean that.....
Aha. Youre living in an overcomed world, you poor creature!
And then, he says- Sorry but Im in love...
And then the best part- But you can give me a blowjob!
SURE! Im so horny for your dick filling my mouth...
>.<
In what world am I living???
Nr.4.:
M- He destroyes my basin in the bathroom, on my party- as im stroking his dick and make him unmistakably clear to wanna have it inside me...
The basins down...I say, hey, thats all right....but i suppouse, his erection is too...
He refuses. Stupid boy, refuses me, horny girl....
Well, ok. I give him a chance. At least hes a good dancer...I phone him once- invite him to go for a beer- not for sex......(Hes a shy guy)....“nop“
Ok. I try once again- I invite him to go together to a party....“nop“
Ok., hes not into me.....
Nr.5.:
V- On my party- after the two refusals of GL and M, I make another try. He is reaaally good looking. But, such a pity, that hes sooooo stupid. Im sitting in my room, sitting on him, and play with him....take off his shirt, drawing with my lipstick on his nipples.....
Well, ok., thats perhaps NOT turning him on....
Then I realize- i wanted to bring him to kiss me- he’s just soooo passive.
So, ok. Cute Mr. Handsome, just because youre sooo handsome- you let the women do all the work???
Because, I’m horny, and want also to be sexually satisfied- wanna also take, not only give....I realize: Hes not worth it....
------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, I can laugh about this frustrations. I wont give up, but Im not giving in- ALL I WANT IS JUST A GOOD FUCK!!!!
;-)
isn’t that simple? men are just soooo fucking stupid to realize.....
perhaps it’s time for a women......
and yes men, because I’m frustrated of all you FUCKING LOSERS!
:-P :-P
wanna watch, hm?
So, lets sum up for all the ones that didn’t understand yet, or didn’t wanna read all this crap:
ALL I WANT IS.....
BALANCE, HARMONY and A GOOD FUCK!!!
(sections of sms-correspondence):
Fri, 17:14
do you want to spent the night together?
GL said
Sat, 00:22
I really long for a menage a trois...
00:26
two men?
00:34
decide yourself quicklier, otherwise i sleep away....
GL said
00:36
with two men i already had one. It’s time for something new... But today it’s not workin anyway...
00:39
That’s unsexy. I don’t like to wait....tomorrow i’ll get perhaps my period or have no lust.
-------------------------------------------------------
Sat, 07:56
wet submissive geisha waits for horny samurai. Come and drive your sharp sword deep in me! This is your last chance, since tomorrow other guests are coming, whom i will serve...
GL said
08:24
if it will be a menage a trois, with pleasure
08:28
gladly. After we fucked normally - but for the first, i dont wanna share ^.∼
whaa.....life is hard now.
im in massive debts- minus 800 euro, and there will come new ones- i have to pay for the studies, for my over 200 mobile phone bill, and for living....
living spartanic and saving money is not the problem for me.
im trained after one year in japan...
the problem is- i would work right now if i hadnt to write on my seminar work, which is priority number one....i get for this a degree...heheh...and its lots of work...
i have to transcribe 3 hours of an interview, and translate it and analyse it (for just 2 minutes transcribing, i sat 2 hours!!)
and read 10 books.....and i have 3 weeks............ufff.....
i hope to manage that....
but because i tend to be over-careful, im slow....
i wanted to read at least 100 pages per day, but made just 20- because i take notes beside, it costs me hours...
i have to do it more effectively and ergonomically....
and i want to have sex....
the advantage of a good relationship is that you have regurarly sex....and i couldnt live without (guess thats why i got so depressed in japan)
on saturday i kissed and flirted with 3 boys on my party- but noone had the courage to go further....and i was sooo fucking horny! perhaps i was too offensive...men want to conquest women, right? and if women change the roles- men are mostly perplex and dont know how to handle it.....
hey boys, girls just wanna have fun!!
